Many years ago, during the darkest period of my life, I started a ‘gratitude diary’. Until then, I had been suffering: my health was poor, my husband ignored me and I was looking after three children with almost no money.
In despair and ultimate depression I receive the following words: Indra, write every day three things that you can be grateful for.
And this words are so powerful that I trust and start it immediately.
I hardly succeed the first day. But, sitting calmly, I slowly perceived a glimmer of light in the inner distance. I recognised that my husband put the garbage out, realised that we actually had food for a few days, registered my breathing, in and out. The next day it was easier to write, discovering faster those things I was truly thankful for. On the third day, an overpowering sense of gratitude washed over me: the armour around my heart began to melt and I started seeing things for the first time!
There were so many small and larger things: a flower in bloom, the trash that gets collected, the success of the harelip operation on my oldest son, my parents who are able to live independently, my eyes that can see and my ears that can hear.
My depression (for years) had not only lifted, it had gone! Initially I could hardly believe that the ‘dark cloud’ had finally disappeared. From that moment I have never had a single moment of feeling depressed and every day I count my blessings.
Even when I had to close down my practice in 2014 because I was so unwell, I remained aware that a solution would appear. And indeed, one morning I awoke hearing the inner voice that said, “Indra, you’re also going to leave this house.” That very same day I told my landlady I no longer could pay the rent and intended to leave as soon as possible. She had another idea, however: “Indra, you’ll stay here till the end of the year – for free.” I was totally flabbergasted: three months in which to arrange my move and let the next steps present themselves had just been given to me, totally unexpectedly!
In the same period, I was able to take early retirement and receive essential financial support, while getting the practical and emotional help in healing my body.
I feel so grateful to Existence for giving me precisely what I need to nourish my deeper self. Currently, I am gaining powerful insights and skills in dealing with the cunning Mind through The Work of Byron Katie.
Osho – deep wisdom
Above all, Osho is the prime mover in my life. His discourses are unbelievably topical and relevant. For two years now, my focus is on Atisha’s Seven Points of Mind Training (The Book of Wisdom) – themes that totally fascinate me to the extent that I am translating the essence of these teachings into my own language (Dutch), which helps me to implement the teachings. I feel a strong urge to present a course on this valuable topic. I know I can share my deeper insights with enthusiasm and love with my fellow seekers.
Today, 2018, I live as a privileged nomad. So much freedom and oh, what a gift: I have space to meditate, just to BE, to do volunteer work and to meet exciting, inspiring people, to travel to places where I can grow and flower, like going to Italy this spring to participate The Path of Love in Verona (Italy).
Besides, I am grateful for all those experiences and my increased state of awareness, trust, inner peace, health, children and grandchildren. Especially for the support of my beloved Kaiyum.
I know that Osho is still guiding my footsteps, teasing me to wake up and become more and more conscious of who I really am.
“Find ecstasy within yourself. It is not out there. It is in your innermost flowering. The one you are looking for is you.”